It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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