I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
