I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
