Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
