I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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