She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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