I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
