I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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