bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i drank out of a bidet.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Shame - the story of my life.
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