Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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