It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Someone signed my nipple.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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