idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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