oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and she was petting her beer can
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
