I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
