You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
