Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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