well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
