everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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