Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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