Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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