I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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