Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
