I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I have vodka in my lungs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
