Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
