So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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