I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
