apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
