Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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