i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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