Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
