Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Me too!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have already put on my inside pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
