Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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