Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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