you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
