I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
