You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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