Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
