my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
