He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
