I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
