You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
