I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
