I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
