All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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