I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
