your parents love me but you hate me
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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