Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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