he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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