Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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