So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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