Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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