Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
