U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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