so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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