don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
