She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
