Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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