i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
