you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
