It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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