he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
