Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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