Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
