Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
