It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
