Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
