You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
