woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well you can't waste a boner
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
