her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
