I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
