my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
