all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
