xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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