So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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