i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
