I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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