"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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