Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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