oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
