I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize