Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
